Challenges facing young people

THE BURDEN OF “INSECURITY”

 I’ve met and been around many strong women in my lifetime. I’ve admired the passion and
 drive of lots of women also but if there’s one thing I’ve found to be a common
denominator in practically all of them, it’s the size of their insecurities (I
know men are insecure too, so please don’t shoot me yet). Sometimes,
these achievements have even been driven by their insecurities and it’s
amazing to find that their achievements and drive haven’t driven out
these insecurities, makes you wonder what drives insecurities. Please don’t
misinterpret this discourse, I don’t believe that women are more prone to
insecurities than men (well I can’t make that conclusion because I don’t have
any empirical data for or against) so this isn’t what this is about but
rather it’s just a look at a challenge ladies deal with in their lives. Come
to think of it, how would you describe insecurity? In my humble opinion,
insecurity is that feeling of not being enough, doing enough or having
enough. To me insecurity is this sense that you can never be enough in you
life. Am sure many ladies will cop to this, and unfortunately our
insecurities seem to have a way of clouding our lives, victories, successes
and even challenges. Those who know me that I don’t like telling people
what to do with their lives but rather I believe in empowering people to
make their decisions. I’m a believer in the saying that the only way to kill
a tree is to cut its roots. So let’s take a look at some of the roots of
insecurities in our lives. 
1.Our insecurities are promoted by a need to be “perfect”:Everyone has encountered this
 need in their lives at one time or the other, it’s a primal need. I believe that the presence of
 this need signifies the sense that we are made for better things but a fixation on
this need doesn’t drive us to excellence but usually drives us in the
opposite direction. To handle this perfection need, we must accept our
imperfections. I hear someone say, “aren’t you supposed to say
strive to eliminate your imperfections?” Well am sure many of us have
spent time trying to do that so let me ask, “how market?” One of the
things I’ve learnt in life is that the easiest way to deal with our
imperfections is to focus on our strengths because whatever you focus on
consumes your life. Accepting your imperfections doesn’t mean throwing a
pity party and dancing to their tune but rather it’s accepting they are
there and you didn’t put them there so instead build your strengths not
so as to be “perfect” but so as to be stronger. 
2. Our insecurities arise from the fear of rejection: If there’s one thing no lady likes, it’s being
rejected, there’s a need for acceptance that tends to drive the lives of
many of us that when we think we aren’t keeping up, we begin to
“devalue” ourselves. This fear of rejection is what leads many to succumb
to peer pressure, it’s this need for acceptance and the need to belong
that make us over scrutinize every aspect of our person, it’s what makes
us believe that being different is a curse and not a blessing. It isn’t
easy to be different that’s true but it’s worthwhile to be different. Owning your difference
separates you from the feeling of not being enough. Insecurities thrive
on the assumption that others are flawless. This might sound silly but if
you are honest with yourself many times this is a trap we fall into
severally, you’ve never met anyone yet who doesn’t have flaws but you
find it easier to see the best in others and not yourself, you build people
up yet you find no compunction about tearing yourself down because you’re not
all you wish to be. This assumption leads to a life of comparisons that
tend to water the weed of insecurity in your life, so you accept that
others aren’t supposed to be “perfect” but demand perfection of
yourself. This kind of assumption allows insecurities to take root in your
life because you magnify your flaws and demagnify your strengths.
3.Insecurities grow in the bed of people’s estimation: Many times we hold
on to people’s perception of our worth as truth. Many times you find
ladies who build their lives around what their father thinks of them, what
their boyfriends think of them or greater still what other ladies think of
them. This has put so many females in bondage because they become victims
of the opinions of others. This doesn’t mean that the opinions of others
don’t matter but never let the opinions of others become the standard of
who you are. People are usually subjective when dealing with others than they
are objective, they usually judge you based on what they desire to get
from you rather than what you’re actually capable of producing. You must
never let others define who you are unless they are the ones who created
you. Funny thing is even writing this piece, I started thinking of how it
would be perceived and almost talked myself out of writing it but I
reminded myself that no matter how good it is, it wouldn’t be perfect
and no matter what I wrote, it wouldn’t be all that could be said about
insecurities. Your insecurities are domiciled in your mind and never forget
that it’s your mind and you are the holder of the key to what gets in and
gets out. No one and Nothing can make you insecure if you don’t give
them permission to. Enjoy being you because though you can be better, you are
still the best you that can ever be.

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